This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
