Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
