cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
