I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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