apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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