someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
