her vagine was all disorganized.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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