And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
