if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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