You work out of a Hotel?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
