You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
