Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
