I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
