that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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