god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
