well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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