Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is classic penis vs brain.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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