He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
