Kiss
Puke
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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