He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
