loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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