Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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