I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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