found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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