If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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