I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
