I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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