i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
