MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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