Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
