But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
