I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
