NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
