i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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