i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
