Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
