Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
