We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
