Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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