My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
