Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
