is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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