In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
