you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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