R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
