Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
