I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
