considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
