I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
that may or may not have been my penis.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
