This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
