everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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