Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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