turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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