I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
