I just made out with a guy for $7.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
