haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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